Columns have the most important secondary objective of all things. 
 
The column should be beautiful. Once the being beautiful is achieved, the column is free to pursue its other interests, such as holding up buildings, which is also a very noble occupation. Here it is the high-minded and stable strength of the Ionic order that is celebrated, slender and straight, and inspired, says Vitruvius, by the female form. Its volutes may well be a symbol for all of classical antiquity, the light of reason and the power of the spirit.
 
Perhaps someone is possessed of gracefully classical proportions; perhaps someone is a great support and an object of appreciation; perhaps you require an apt medium to decline (with good manners) a misguided invitation to a toga party: write them a letter.